patience is a virtue

Like the title of this posting states "patience is a virtue." I need to tell myself and my husband this almost everyday!! Now that we have accepted the offer that my friend has given us we are becoming very impatience at we sit and wait for the next steps to unfold. This is extremely hard as we having been waiting for this moment for quite sometime.

We did contact an adoption attorney, she did give us some legal advise. We also have contacted an adoption agency, I didn't get a good vibe from the lady from that agency so we are currently on the hunt for a new agency.

We have also decide to do the adoption a little differently then normal. We have all (the three of us) come to an agreement that do to my eggs being to small we will use her egg and and tuna's sperm so the baby will still be part of us. I know this may sound weird/confusing to most people but in the long run it makes sense. There is really know reason to hide anything.

This is all on hold as of right now due to my friend having the Implanon (Birth control that is implanted under the skin in your arm) which has now been removed. We do have to wait for a while until her cycle becomes normal again. The doctor said it could take anywhere from 3-6 months to become normal again.

Well this was just a quick little update on what has been going on since the last posting. I will be sure to keep everyone update. Thank you again for all the love and support from all my family and friends. May God continue to answer every ones prayers. ~Love The Lange's

God works in wondrous ways

My-o-my how time flies, I just realized I have not posted since May!! Sorry. There has been many changes in our journey since then.

The first being I did end up having the IUI (intra-uterine insemination) done 2 different times. The first was back in May which the previous posting talked about. The second time was in June. I was tickled pink to have ovulated two months in a row. The second IUI came with the same results as the first.....NO LUCK :-( In July it happened again, this time they did an ultrasound to see what was going on. They found that I had many eggs but they all were VERY VERY small and to little to flow down to my uterus. So that was the reason I was getting a positive ovulation test, because there were eggs.

The doctor did have me come in to talk about what our next option was. He did tell me flat out that there wasn't much more that he or his staff could do for us. We could try doing hormone injections which coast in the ballpark for around $6,000. I left the office in complete tears. My hope to have a baby was crushed in one sentence. All the doors were closing right one my face. How could I get so close two months in a row, just to have the door smack me right in the face?? I have not had my period now since going off the Clomid in July!!

The angry that I carried and still sometimes carry turned me into someone I didn't know or recognise. I became very depressed and unhappy with everyone and everything. I pushed loved one way and completely stopped talking to people for no reason at all really. I held on to the little things. I have stated to take depression meds, which have helped a lot but I do still have my minutes, days, and weeks were I get into that funk again. I continue to struggle and sometimes I do ask God "Why us?" I know that God loves us and I need to keep faith and continue to pray that the blessing with come.

I know that God answers each and every ones prayers differently. We have been offered by my best friend to have a baby for us. This is still in the early stages of planning and I will see what God grants us in the near future. This process is going to be planned out with an Adaption Attorney and many other details. I will update everyone when I know more about what will be going on. I promise that I will not keep my family and friends who follow our blag waiting another 5 months again.

You can't imagine how big her heart is to even offer us such a blessing. Her unselfishness is heart-warming and makes me realize that God give us certain people in our life for a reason. The Gratefulness that I have for her is unmeasurable. There is nothing more I could ask for then to have a family and a baby to love. I cry offend when I think about the chance that I may actually be able to be a mother. I will never be able to repay her for what she may give us. This maybe the door that I can walk through with peace, joy, and happiness without it slamming on my face. I do love her for what she may be able to offer us. You know who you are and I LOVE LOVE LOVE you forever.

All this being said I do hope that God will continue to bless everyone with all the prayers that you may have for him. When you least except it God will answer your prayers in his own beautiful way. He works in great ways. Never give up on him, because he has never given up on us. Please continue to pray for us on this new part of our journey that we are about to embark one. This journey has had it very low lows I really have faith that at some point really soon it will have it high highs as well. ~Love The Lange's

The time has finally come!!!!!

This morning Tuesday,May 45 2011 I took an ovulation test and I about fell over when it was positive. I call to the doctor right away before calling anyone, but of course I had to leave a message and wait for them to call me back. Then I started to dial up my loved ones like crazy. The excitement over took me in that moment. I only thing I could tell people was the good news without any information really. All I could say to is "Guess what?..........I am ovulating!!!" I could hardly stand to wait one more minute until the nurse called me back on what the next step was.

She finally called and told me that the doctor wanted me to come in tomorrow to have the IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) done. The only problem was that the doctor was in surgery all day the next day. So she said I could come in later in the afternoon and he would fit me in between his surgerys or I could have an OBGYN do it. She knew before she even gave me the second option what my answer was going to be. The nurse and the Doctor both know what can of a FREAK I am when it comes to this.

So I decided to wait until later in the afternoon tomorrow(Wednesday,May 25 2011) to have the IUI done. Tuna will be going in at 11 am to give a sperm sample. It takes them a few hours to "wash" the sperm. They will be separating the sperm from the semen, so when it is injected into my uterus it is sperm only. I will then go in to have the IUI done at 1 pm. They say it takes about 1 hour to do the IUI and then I need to be laying flat for another hour. The pain is not to bad (according to the nurse) so you know what that means.....it is going to hurt!!!!

I am very excited,nervous,hopeful,scared,and praying to god that this is the right time. I know that it is only going to happen when he says it is time. Please keep us in your prayers and thoughts as we embark in this new part of our journey! ~Love The Lange's

Yeah Buddy

The appointment today went well. I didn't have to get a shot to start my period. That is good in 2 different ways. The first being that my ass won't hurt for the next few days.(hehe) The second being that the spotting that I have been having is actually my period.

As long as I did get my period on my own we will stay with the same dose of Clomid this month. The next steps will be is to take the Clomid starting tonight through Saturday. I will be doing the ovulation tests from days 15-21. Hopefully around day 19 the test will be positive and we will be going in to the clinic to have the IVF done.

The doctor seem to think that there is a pretty good chance that this is going to work. He had a very positive attitude and made it seem like we had a very good chance of this work. But as always I shouldn't get to excited or get my hopes up just yet.

I will be keeping everyone posted on what is going on. Please keep us in your prayers and thoughts. ~Love The Lange's

Quick Stop

I would like to think of my appointment tomorrow of somewhat of a "quick stop". You go in they check ya out and you pay about the same amount as ya would filling your gas tank up these days.

Tomorrow he will just be checking to see if everything is okay. I will recive a shot to start my period and then he will up the dose of Clomid from 100mgs to 150mgs. It will be a quick stop.

I am also going to talk to him about maybe getting on some depression meds. I have to be honest with myself and admit this is starting to really get to me. I look at myself somedays and almost dont even know who I am. I am a sad and emontional person which is not the "norm" for me at all.

I pray that god will bless my body,soul,and mind and grant me the gift of being a mother someday. He is the only one who knows when the time is right.

Also always please pray that god will bless us with that gift. ~Love The Lange's

Try & Try Again!!

If at first you don't exceed try and try again. With that advice for the Doctor we set a plan in action. As long as the surgery(Ovarian Drilling) that I had back in July is somewhat working,meaning I sometime get my period and and most months it somewhat comes. We will be trying the Colmid pills again to see if it will make me get my period every month so that I have a chance to ovulate. We will try this for three months unless it works then we will continue to keep taking the Colmid so I get my period each month. If I do get my period I will be taking an home ovulation test each day for 7 days. If/when the test comes back positive I will go into the doctor within 48 hours to have the IUI.(Intrauterine Insemination) This procedure will be preformed by them threading a very thin flexible catheter through my cervix and injecting washed sperm directly into my uterus.

I really really hope that the Clomid treatments will work this time. I will keep my fingers crossed and my mind in a positive state. I really do love that so many family and friends do come to my blog each time I post to check in on our journey. I feel the love and kindness of some many people.

As always keep us in your prayers and thoughts!! ~Love The Lange's

If you fill the bottle to full it is going to overflow sooner or later!!

My bottle is full to the brim and I am overflowing with emotions today. I am so emotional I will just start crying over ever little thing. I go on Facebook and everyone is pregnant or just had a baby. The fear I have that I maybe will never be a mother is extremely high and I am so scared to go to the appointment on Monday. The fear that this is the last step and it may not work then my fears becomes my reality.

I am surrounded with some may supportive family and friends but I feel VERY ALONE.

Please keep us in your prayers and thoughts. I will be posting something on Monday after my appointment once I find out more details. ~The Lange Family

Hi Ho Hi Ho off to the doctor I go!!

I know I have been really bad about blogging lately

:-(

I will be returning to the doctor on March 7th to see what the next step of the shots all entails. I honestly am starting to believe will all of the hearts of hearts that maybe god doesn't want us to have a child. This is something that I want so badly,but it just isn't working out for us.

I am scared to death to do this last step that we can actually some what afford. I think to myself "what if it doesn't work and then we are really done?" "What if we get pregnant with 4,5,6,7,or8 babies at one time and I have to end up making some really hard choices?" "What if my body cant handle it do to my blood pressure?"

Than other things run though my mind like...."What if I am putting to much stress on this whole 'baby thing' and Tuna actually doesnt want a baby?" I know that we would be wonderful parents to a little baby but, then WHY WHY WHY wont god just let this happen for us??

I know I know I should try and stay postive and not think of the "what if's" all the time but it is hard and sometimes I just want to say forget it. I have been sitting her for the last 5 months wondering what I should do. Well I am just going to go for it. I am going to leave it in God's hands and hope that he will grant us with the blessings that so many other people in this world get to exprence.

I know it has been forget but I everyone still keeps us in their prayers and thoughts!! ~Love The Lange's