God works in wondrous ways
My-o-my how time flies, I just realized I have not posted since May!! Sorry. There has been many changes in our journey since then.
The first being I did end up having the IUI (intra-uterine insemination) done 2 different times. The first was back in May which the previous posting talked about. The second time was in June. I was tickled pink to have ovulated two months in a row. The second IUI came with the same results as the first.....NO LUCK :-( In July it happened again, this time they did an ultrasound to see what was going on. They found that I had many eggs but they all were VERY VERY small and to little to flow down to my uterus. So that was the reason I was getting a positive ovulation test, because there were eggs.
The doctor did have me come in to talk about what our next option was. He did tell me flat out that there wasn't much more that he or his staff could do for us. We could try doing hormone injections which coast in the ballpark for around $6,000. I left the office in complete tears. My hope to have a baby was crushed in one sentence. All the doors were closing right one my face. How could I get so close two months in a row, just to have the door smack me right in the face?? I have not had my period now since going off the Clomid in July!!
The angry that I carried and still sometimes carry turned me into someone I didn't know or recognise. I became very depressed and unhappy with everyone and everything. I pushed loved one way and completely stopped talking to people for no reason at all really. I held on to the little things. I have stated to take depression meds, which have helped a lot but I do still have my minutes, days, and weeks were I get into that funk again. I continue to struggle and sometimes I do ask God "Why us?" I know that God loves us and I need to keep faith and continue to pray that the blessing with come.
I know that God answers each and every ones prayers differently. We have been offered by my best friend to have a baby for us. This is still in the early stages of planning and I will see what God grants us in the near future. This process is going to be planned out with an Adaption Attorney and many other details. I will update everyone when I know more about what will be going on. I promise that I will not keep my family and friends who follow our blag waiting another 5 months again.
You can't imagine how big her heart is to even offer us such a blessing. Her unselfishness is heart-warming and makes me realize that God give us certain people in our life for a reason. The Gratefulness that I have for her is unmeasurable. There is nothing more I could ask for then to have a family and a baby to love. I cry offend when I think about the chance that I may actually be able to be a mother. I will never be able to repay her for what she may give us. This maybe the door that I can walk through with peace, joy, and happiness without it slamming on my face. I do love her for what she may be able to offer us. You know who you are and I LOVE LOVE LOVE you forever.
All this being said I do hope that God will continue to bless everyone with all the prayers that you may have for him. When you least except it God will answer your prayers in his own beautiful way. He works in great ways. Never give up on him, because he has never given up on us. Please continue to pray for us on this new part of our journey that we are about to embark one. This journey has had it very low lows I really have faith that at some point really soon it will have it high highs as well. ~Love The Lange's
